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Now It All Makes Sense
erratic_prophet | 26 February, 2007 11:19
Where I got my bad taste in men..
Mom: "So for our first date-- and the first time I've ever been to a movie-- your father took me to see Death Wish.."
Me: "...you're kidding me, right?"
Mom: "I wish. I was horrified! I kept my eyes squeezed shut the whole time. I thought all movies were that bad."
Me: "So he takes you to see Death Wish and you not only date him again, but marry him? What's wrong with you?"
Mom: "I don't know.. I thought he was cute!"
Me: "God. The Girl is so screwed if she inherits the Date-Only-Idiots gene from us."
Hooray and Crap
erratic_prophet | 24 February, 2007 22:30
I've been thinking strictly in these terms lately, so it's only fitting that we all hop onto the bullet list train...
Hooray:
- Love working in cosmetics.
- Really love my commission in cosmetics.
- Went to a "Strategy Class" for my cosmetics company at a chi-chi chateau and was fed wonderful food and given free products (one of which isn't in stores yet).
Happy Senility Day!
erratic_prophet | 31 January, 2007 18:20
Last night...
Me: "Guess what tomorrow is?"
The Girl: Noticing her grandmother has entered the room, whispers, "Grandma's birthday!"
Me: "It's not a secret from her. She's not that old that we can surprise her with it."
***
And today...
The Girl: "Happy Birthday, Grandma! You look tired. Are you ready to retire yet?"
Me: "Again. She's not actually that old. You age both of us when you do that."
Mom: "Can we just forget today?"
Me: "None of us are that old yet. Sorry."
Ultimate Betrayal
erratic_prophet | 30 October, 2006 11:11
The flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood, fruit of my looms-- or loins, whatever-- has betrayed me in the worst way ever. I'm not sure I can ever recover from this. My daughter bought a-- SOB-- Nickelback album.
Kill me now.
Duh-Rah-Mah!
erratic_prophet | 03 October, 2006 15:38
So lately, over the course of several weeks, I've been in the grips of doctor drama, work drama, family drama, basically any kind of drama you can think of. Because I'm a magnet for that sort of thing.
The doctor drama... I finally got fed up with my doctor. Not only did I become fed up with him, my pharmacist was fed up with him. So I dropped him and took up my family's-- Yes, my whole family goes to the same doctor. It saves on explaining family medical history.-- doctor because I saw he was finally available to my insurance. This is when things went bad and weird.
(More)Sugar Shock
erratic_prophet | 21 September, 2006 11:56I want to kill my father today and not for the usual reason. No, it's not because he's a royal pain in the ass who refuses to do anything for himself but instead plays dumb and helpless. Nor his outrageously arrogant belief that he is, in fact, superior to all other human beings and should be treated as such. It's not even the trail of detritus he leaves in his wake-- I swear I have to clean up after the man more than I cleaned up after both children when they were mere infants. No, it's not any of these things that makes me want to throttle the man. To get to that, let us first take a small trip down to last week... (More)
Holy Crap!
erratic_prophet | 18 September, 2006 12:24I thought that an apt title since those are the words that have been so frequently falling from my lips. I've been a busy little monkey lately. I've been: getting the kids ready for school, helping new hires at work, bracing myself for the upcoming holiday onslaught, and fending off well-meaning cupids. I haven't had a chance to breathe! (More)
No Free Lunch
erratic_prophet | 08 September, 2006 11:31
The Girl: "Mom, we need lunch money for tomorrow."
Me: "You're not going to pay with your good looks and charm?"
The Girl: "I really think we'll need the money.."
The Vacation
erratic_prophet | 14 August, 2006 23:02
The Good:
- Only got a slight-- very slight-- sun burn. This is a nice change from the usual blistering and sun poisoning.
- Lots of beautiful weather. It only got a bit drizzly one day there. The rest were warm, wonderful, sunny.
- The kids were generally well behaved. Sorta. For them, anyway.
- I actually-- shockingly-- got a little-- very little-- color.
Pimp My Ride
erratic_prophet | 02 August, 2006 17:51
At the supermarket...
The Boy: "Can I get this?" Holding yet another bag of chips.
Me: "I said no! You got the microwave popcorn."
The Boy: "But we don't have a microwave in the car!"
(Special thanks to J for the title.)
Quick and Dirty
erratic_prophet | 01 August, 2006 00:19
Another list-- you hate me, I know-- because I have no time. Ever.
- Got a Dooney & Bourke bag for-- after all discounts and so on-- only $70. I'm still squealing with excitement over that. It's so pretty. It's the sand one just like this. I love it so much that I'm afraid to use it. I just gaze upon it lovingly and occasionally pat it.
More Random Fun (Or Not) Stuff
erratic_prophet | 19 July, 2006 18:50
Because putting together a post is too much work..
- Been hitting the library a lot lately. Trying to catch up on books and movies. Fell in love with all of the pretty people in House of Flying Daggers. So pretty.
- Been working on getting a decent faux glow with various self tanners. Finally settled on Banana Boat's Every Day Glow. It's very realistic looking.
Tightening the Belt
erratic_prophet | 23 June, 2006 17:34
Father: "When I was on vacation, I had a man make three extra holes in my belt and now look." (Showing only one hole left on the belt.) "What do you think that means?"
Me: "The belt stretched?"
It was almost too easy..
Southern Discomfort
erratic_prophet | 22 June, 2006 15:16
From my very southern cousin during family reunion (imagine a Scarlett O'Hara accent)...
Southern Cousin: "So on the way up here, we stopped for a bite to eat. I was dying for something to drink so I asked for a sweet tea. They told me 'Ma'am, we're sorry but we don't have any sweet tea, we only have unsweetened tea.' so I got that. And wouldn't you know it? It was that Nestea stuff. Well, I knew I was north of Virginia then!"
You can take the girl out of the south, but not the sweet tea out of her hands.
Opinionated
erratic_prophet | 05 June, 2006 13:42
My cousin's two-- almost three!-- year old was over today. She's quite the opinionated little tot and shared with me her thoughts on many subjects, including..
On morality: "These kids came into my yard and play with my toys! They ride my car! Bad kids! They don't even ask my mommy! Bad kids!"
On food:"I like spicy chicken!"
(More)E-I-E-I-Oh, God!
erratic_prophet | 01 June, 2006 19:43
Whilst tearing open the packaging on my brand new itty bitty mp3 player (Mine is the acid green one.)...
Dad: "What's that?"
Me: "My new mp3 player."
Dad: "Is that one of those ePads?"
(More)Boobushka
erratic_prophet | 21 May, 2006 16:17
Or Things You Do When You Are Bored and Have Left Over Tulle..
Or or The 3 Stages of Boo..
Oh, the shame!
(More)The Idiot
erratic_prophet | 08 May, 2006 04:35
After trimming the fuschia bush that grows in front of our house in hopes that it would become less sparse...
The Girl: "Oh my god! Mom! Some idiot chopped up our bush!"
Me: "I would be that idiot, thanks."
Double Digits
erratic_prophet | 03 May, 2006 11:21
No, I'm not actually dead. I just wish I were. Between work and allergies, my immune system was compromised, and now I sound like an 80 year old with a whiskey and 2 pack a day habit. It's as lovely as it sounds. Then I was blindsided by a severe migraine that made me miss a day and a half of work and wishing I missed another. But, in better news...
The Boy turned 10 two days ago.
(More)Weekend Festivities
erratic_prophet | 02 April, 2006 19:38This weekend didn't turn out like I expected it to. I'd been looking forward to seeing my family for over a month and going to my uncle's wedding. I jumped through hoops and turned contortionist in order to get my schedule in order. Then I got a phone call from my cousin T on Thursday evening... (More)
Sunglasses
erratic_prophet | 25 February, 2006 22:54
We did a spot of shopping today. I found nothing at the stores-- did all of my shopping online later on. I stopped to look at some sunglasses because i desperately need a pair after my previous pair snapped. The Girl was trying on a few pairs along with me (Why are all of the sunglasses these buggy/Willy Wonka types?) when this happened...
The Boy: Holding up a pretend camera says, "Strike a pose!" and after a pause, "Different pose!"
The Girl: "I was posing all girly!"
The Boy: "It wasn't working."Love and Laughter
erratic_prophet | 14 February, 2006 17:27
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
I spent the day making Valentines for the kids. I do this every year. As they get older, they get a bit more elaborate. This year, I put in silly little poems (nothing good or funny like Pamie's Annual Valentine's Day Poems that I love to read) I wrote to them telling them how much I love them. I like watching them pretend that they're embarrassed by the cards, playing it cool, hiding their little smiles. I hope they'll always be secretly pleased by my cheesy, corny cards.
(More)Mom's Birthday Mousse
erratic_prophet | 03 February, 2006 14:26My mom's birthday was earlier this week. It was a big one. She wasn't happy. She wouldn't even let me bake her a cake for the big day. I was going to anyway, but realized too late that I had no eggs. (It's hard to make a cake without eggs.) I decided to make one for the weekend, just in case someone were to stop by. She couldn't argue with that logic. So I made a chocolate cake filled with chocolate mousse and strawberries with a plain white frosting. Sounds yum, doesn't it? (More)
Really Mature
erratic_prophet | 28 January, 2006 13:33
Last night, exiting McDonalds..
The Boy: "Guess what I smell?"
Me: "Your butt?"
Mom: "Hee!"
New Thanksgiving
erratic_prophet | 26 January, 2006 13:23
It's weird, but since mid-month I've been having the most awesome luck. Watch me jinx it all to hell now. Things have been going pretty well for me and I'm finally feeling like all of my hard work is starting to pay off. Normally, all of this feeling good crap would make me very paranoid. I'd constantly watch the skies, waiting for the anvil to drop. But I've decided to just enjoy it and not wait for the bad to start. That's so 2005, you know.
I've decided to, instead, celebrate this good feeling by listing all of the things that make me happy... (More)Truer Words..
erratic_prophet | 11 January, 2006 15:20
The Girl: Running out of school today, "I had a great day today!"
Me: "That's great! What did you do?"
The Girl: "I did all of my work and the teacher didn't have to put up with me!"
More Boo!
erratic_prophet | 21 December, 2005 13:53
I realized that my quest to become a crazy cat lady wasn't off to a very good start when I realized that I didn't have nearly enough posts about my cat. And what good is a post about your cat without pictures of the cat? We all need a little more crazy cat lady posts in our lives. Without further ado, I give you Boo...
Boo finds shopping bags very restful.
(More)More Random Thoughts
erratic_prophet | 08 December, 2005 16:06
- Why do kids-- and cats-- think that if they can't see you, you can't hear them? You'd think they'd have figured this all out by now-- at least the kids-- since I have been known to yell across the house "I'm not deaf, you know!"
- Perfume? Doesn't taste as good as it smells.
- I really don't like getting hot flashes. I really, really don't like waking up with them.
Crocheted Cobwebs
erratic_prophet | 11 November, 2005 15:01
Me: "I want to crochet an afghan, but I think I need different yarn. This stuff is too fuzzy. Look at the granny square I made last night."
Mom: "It..reminds me of something.. I can't think of what."
Me: "Cobwebs."
Mom: "That's it!"
Me: "Yeah, I realized that before I went to bed last night. That's why I want new yarn. I don't want a blanket made of cobwebs."
Slacker
erratic_prophet | 31 October, 2005 19:33
That'd be me. I've been a total slacker with this blog lately. I haven't had much to write about. Not a whole post's worth, anyway. More randomness...
- I still don't know who won the pumpkin contest. I'm a wee bit annoyed by this. The higher-ups at work are bigger slackers than I.
- I'm determined to get a hair cut this week. I haven't had one since the beginning of the year, I believe, and I'm way overdue. I will hurt anyone trying to get in my way.
The Long Walk Home
erratic_prophet | 21 October, 2005 20:19
Earlier today-- much earlier-- The Girl walked home from school, for the first time, by herself. It'd been a long time coming. She'd been whining and begging for weeks about it. Finally, I caved in.
Mom didn't look pleased.
The Boy didn't care as long as he didn't have to walk anywhere.
(More)Peachesfuzzes
erratic_prophet | 17 October, 2005 14:32
The Boy: "Mom! Look!" Points vaguely near nose.
Me: "Umm.. What am I looking at or for?"
The Boy: "Here!" Points near lip.
Me: "...I still don't know.."
The Boy: Sighs and points near nose again.
Me: "Your nose? Your lip? What?"
(More)The Dancing Has Stopped
erratic_prophet | 10 September, 2005 23:05
He's back.
Zombies
erratic_prophet | 15 August, 2005 14:01A few days ago, I was flipping through the channels, looking for something to watch, when I landed on MTV. Some good music was playing. I was shocked and settled down to watch. Then the video for Feel Good Inc. (from Demon Days- Gorillaz) came on.. (More)
Craving
erratic_prophet | 05 August, 2005 21:45I've had this huge craving for ribollita-- a wonderful Italian soup made with cannelini beans, greens and thickened with bread (really!)-- and since I had the day off today-- and none off this weekend-- we set off for the farmer's market nearby to purchase items so I could gorge myself on hot, steamy goodness in the middle of a heat wave. (More)
Random
erratic_prophet | 02 August, 2005 22:00
A few random things:
- I found out that my cat weighs more than 18 lbs. when I went to the vet today. Also found out that my cat's a psycho drama kitty. There was much howling and hissing done at the vet's office today.
Where's My Bed?
erratic_prophet | 31 July, 2005 22:00I'm in one of my rare giddy/giggly-- it took me three times to type that, I kept typing gidgly (which I may make into a new word)-- moods that only comes along when I've been deprived of sleep and also happen to be in a pretty good mood. (More)
On the Phone
erratic_prophet | 28 July, 2005 16:33I'll be the first to admit that I'm not at my best on the phone-- I'd much rather talk face to face, fire off a few emails, or click-clack through some IMs-- but my kids are the worst. No, really. They are. I'm not even exaggerating. (More)
Life From the Couch
erratic_prophet | 26 July, 2005 22:30
I figured that since I seem to wind up passed out there so often lately, I'd make the couch my new bed. At least until tomorrow night. It's nice until a random child awakens me from my blissful (medicated) slumber only to bother me with exciting conversation that makes me want to reach for the bottle. Any bottle.
(More)Drugs
erratic_prophet | 25 July, 2005 15:31
The pain in my throat was unbearable yesterday. I knew I was going to the doctor the next day (today) but I didn't know what to do in the meantime. Nothing OTC was working. I turned to the hard stuff.
I only took half a percocet because I had to go out and do some food shopping. No, I didn't drive. I'm not that stupid. Mom drove because I was all "Wheeeeeeeeee! Look at the pretty colors!" The Girl even asked "What's with mom? She's all weird." to which I replied "Kids. This is your mom on drugs. See? Drugs are bad! Ooooh, kitty toys.."
(More)Since You've Been Gone
erratic_prophet | 19 July, 2005 20:28
(I dedicate the title of this post to my 13 year old girlfriend, J. Rock on with your bubblegum pop self, man!)
So my father left today for his trip that may either last a month and a half or forever. None of us are sure which. At this point, we're just glad he's out. We can relax and tend to things in our own fashion now, without worrying when his next "mood" will strike.
(More)The Wild Goose Chase
erratic_prophet | 18 July, 2005 22:47
No, I wasn't chased by geese. Again.
Not this time anyway..
(More)Rush
erratic_prophet | 17 July, 2005 21:45
Oh. My. God.
This week/weekend has been a blur. I'm not even sure when it started. I was just racing along, then I was coasting along, now I'm on the side of the road with steam pouring out from under my hood.
I can't even string together enough words to form proper sentences, never mind paragraphs. That means: List Time!
(More)A Family of Addicts
erratic_prophet | 14 July, 2005 13:55
I realized it today when I was in the bathroom and I spotted the Neosporin (anti-bacterial ointment) and bandaids out, that my family is filled with nutty addicts. We can't even get addicted to drugs like normal people do. That's for amateurs.
(More)Summer Vacation
erratic_prophet | 21 June, 2005 12:06
Day 1 of my captivity by the little savages..
I awaken to muffled arguing which soon escalates into less muffled arguing.
"Do it!"
"No!"
"Please!" (I didn't realize that this word could be made to sound like an order until now.)
(More)The Girl
erratic_prophet | 20 June, 2005 15:42
Today is The Girl's 8th birthday.
Yes, she survived my parenting that long. No, I haven't killed her yet. Not that I haven't come close..
(More)Unscrambler
erratic_prophet | 15 June, 2005 12:20
The Girl has a hard time with unscrambling words. She's been staring at the same sheet for about a half hour now. Why is The Girl at home and not at school? Remember how I said she was a demon in the guise of a sweet little seven year old girl?
(More)Final Countdown
erratic_prophet | 13 June, 2005 21:35
I recently received some dreadful news. It's so very horrible that I'm having a hard time keeping a brave face. I've been shaken to my very core. I find myself wringing my hands like some helpless twit in a romance novel. Just what could be so awful?
(More)Snippets
erratic_prophet | 09 June, 2005 16:35
Snippets of conversation from the past few days..
***
Me: "(The Boy), what did you win that bucket of candy for again?"The Boy: "What's 'candyforagain'?"
Me: "What?"
The Boy: "What's 'candyforagain'?"
Me: "Candy. For. Again. What did you win that candy for? I forgot."
The Boy: "Oooooooh.. Why didn't you ask me then?"
(More)Shopping Spree
erratic_prophet | 08 June, 2005 17:35
Or How I Created Two Little Monsters..
We ran to the store last night after dinner. The Girl had been jumping in excitement all throughout dinner. I set down the ground rules and off we went..
(More)Blast From the Past
erratic_prophet | 03 June, 2005 15:06
I've got tv on the brain, people.
It was a recent comment from Nickie Goomba that started me off this time. He mentioned Lawrence Welk which made me think about my mom and her parents, my grandparents, and how she hated being forced to watch The Lawrence Welk Show. I was even forced to watch it a time or two just to see how awful it was. I told my mom to write to Amnesty International about it and I'm quite sure she muttered a few unflattering things about me. Few things bring about an irrational rage in my mother and I believe Lawrence Welk happens to be one of them.
(More)A Born Shopper
erratic_prophet | 28 May, 2005 22:39
I brought my kids and mom over to my store today before work to pick up some things on sale. This was the greatest thing in the world, according to the girl, and led to this conversation..
(More)Hey Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?
erratic_prophet | 27 May, 2005 16:21
I just overheard this conversation between the kids..
The Girl: "Hey, (The Boy)?"
The Boy: "What?"
The Girl: "Do you have a dime I can borrow?"
(More)BeepBEEP BeepBEEP
erratic_prophet | 26 May, 2005 18:02
Living in suburbia, as we do, there are certain things that you just do because they're done.
One of those things is caring about your lawn. We failed that miserably. It's a brownish green and patchy. We do not have the suburban lawn. That's mostly because of god knows what the kids have been doing. I caught them kicking around dirt the other day, causing yet another grassless patch in our yard.
(More)Canny Hands
erratic_prophet | 25 May, 2005 16:09
I've mentioned before how going food shopping with my kids is on par with going through all nine circles of hell for a day trip. In fact, I think the day trip to hell sounds rather pleasant. I could pack a light picnic or something. It'd be a few hours being tormented by other beings anyway.
(More)Reactions to Family Portrait
erratic_prophet | 24 May, 2005 16:09
I showed the family my South Park portraits (D'oh! Forgot to put up the link yesterday.). This is what they had to say...
(More)Family Portrait
erratic_prophet | 23 May, 2005 14:38
Nothing but the best filler for you, my loyal readers. All 3 of you. Today you will see my family portrait, South Park style.
Brrzzzzzzt!
erratic_prophet | 20 May, 2005 22:30
Today has got to have been the longest day of my life..
I got only a few hours of sleep last night. My back was hating on me and nothing I did would ease the pain. Finally, I managed to nab those few hours of sleep thanks to my new best friend, Percocet. I love you, Percocet!
(More)Burning Down the House
erratic_prophet | 15 May, 2005 19:10
It ain't just a song anymore. Not after today, anyway.
Ok, ok. I didn't quite burn down the house. Not the whole house..
(More)The TRUE Story of the Three Little Pigs
erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 22:53
I swear I had nothing to do with this. My daughter likes to make her little books. Usually they involve princesses and the like. This one's different. I stumbled upon it last night while picking up some papers the kids had left around the house.
I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves..
Culture Shock
erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:47
More background on me, the family and our trip to Russia and a story about how we were attacked by rabid fish can be found here.
To say things were a bit different in Russia than they were back at home in Jersey would be a gross understatement. Even the city we were in was unlike anything I'd seen back home. It was clean. Even when we were in Moscow, the subways were not only gorgeous-- think marble, gold plating, etc.-- they were spotlessly clean. They looked more like museums than public transport stations.
(More)Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...
erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:46
It was the summer just before my senior year in high school. I was 16. I figured that I had a nice long summer of doing nothing and hanging at friends' houses doing nothing. This didn't bother me as much this year because some of my friends now had licenses and cars. That meant roadtrips.
(More)